The Nursery: Phase 2

After seeing what the walls looked like (you can see pictures here), I decided that I didn't want to add too much to take away from the incredible paint job by Robin Oas! So instead of adding some color, I tried to keep most things white so they would stand out, but not too much.

Before the painting ever began, I ordered 3 sets of decals to go in the room that I fell in love with online. The first was a growing tree but instead of actual measurements, it had the size of Dr. Seuss characters. I absolutely LOVE how it turned out and it's one of Kelly's favorite additions to the room.

The second decal I ordered was a combination of quotes from the Dr. Seuss book: All the Places You'll Go. I saw it on a wall, looked up the measurements and thought it would look brilliant, fresh and fun on the door to the nursery. It took the longest to install, but it is one of my favorite things in the room. I think it looks amazing!!!

The third decal I ordered were actually hand painted wall paper images of "Thing 1" & "Thing 2". After all of the room was painted, they didn't really go anymore where I wanted to put them. So I decided to put them on the doors to the bottom of the book case and I think it works perfectly! They are cute, playful, and add a small pop of color to the white wood. We got the bookcase at a mission garage sale, sanded it down and painted it ultra white. I bought new hardware at Anthropologie and the books are an assortment of sizes that we found at Half Price Books.

The dresser in the room was part of a furniture set that my grandparents bought for their 10 year wedding anniversary and gave us when we moved into this house. It is amazingly elegant and I thought that it would make a wonderful showcase piece in the nursery. So with the help of Kelly's aunt & uncle we sanded it down and painted it ultra white. I took the original drawer hardware and painted it fun colors. I found the door hardware at Nadeau and think it adds the whimsical touch it needed!

Lastly, the glider was a loan from my parents to use for now, the amazing black & white rug we got from Rug Gallery in Dallas, we got the crib off Craigslist, and the cute bedding online at Seuss Land. Also, I bought the white lamp from Ikea and then used markers to color in different colored circles all over it. It was a fun, cheap project!

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE how it all turned out!!!
Here's a recap of the paint, in case you didn't see them before the furniture:

Don't you love our artist Robin?!?!
Here's her FB page in case you are interested in her painting something for you (walls, canvases, etc.)

 

I cannot imagine changing anything and cannot wait to put all of the other little things and necessities in here that will make it a real baby room when we can have a shower after the baby comes home. Thank you so much to all of you that have helped! Future baby Carson is definitely loved by many!!! :)

The Nursery: Phase 1 (Painting)

Most moms start the process of planning their nursery when they start telling people they are pregnant. There is a since of a safe timeline. With adoption it could be a phone call in 24 hours upon approval or you could wait up to 2 years. So how do you decide when to start preparing the nursery? This, my friends, was something I was torn about. I didn't want to prepare this grand room and then stare at its cuteness for 2 years! So I decided I wanted to wait until we were matched to begin playing with this room even if that meant doing it after the baby came.

Unbeknown to us, God had the perfect plan in store. Before I could even figure out my paint colors, we were matched and the baby was due in a little over 2 months! Definitely enough time to decorate!

So off I was to pick the perfect theme. You see, we wanted something gender neutral because even though we know the sex of the baby (and yes, we are still keeping it a secret from all of you!), we also know that we have to prepare ourselves for the birth mother to choose to parent OR for the birth father to come forward and for us to have to walk away from this baby. However, I wanted bright colors! Bright colors make me happy and I wanted this baby to be in an environment that stimulated it's mind but was very playful and not babyish. So after agonizing over ideas I have had for the past few years I decided on a Dr. Seuss theme. I looked online at all kinds of bedding and finally found one that had the bright, neutral colors I was going for. After finding the bedding, the rest of the room could now fall in place!

Before you look at all of the pictures, here is the info to our wonderfully talented friend that painted our nursery: Robin Oas Designs. If you are looking for help painting a nursery, canvas or anything in between she does it all and I would highly recommend her!

A few days before we got started, Kelly painted the walls blue for the sky so we would have a blue canvas to paint on top of. Then Robin came over and we painted the hills and clouds on day 1. Here are pictures of how that day progressed:

While day 1 of painting was fun, day 2 was even better!
I enlisted 3 fabulously artistic and fun girls from our youth group (Katie, Lindsey, & Bethany), one of their brave mom's (Beth) and then of course our incredible artist Robin to help. The following shows the progress as we went along. The entire thing went up in 3 hours and I am still blown away!

Day 3 consisted of Robin going over some colors to make them brighter and me just watching in awe:

Stay tuned for the next post (Phase 2) in which I'll show you all of the furniture in the room, decals on the door/wall/book case and the other finishing touches we made! Hopefully there will also be a baby in this room in a little over a month!

Seeing our child for the very first time...

I am blessed to have a birthmom that wants us involved in her side of this process. When we got to meet her for the first time, our lunch ended with her asking when she would see us again. My heart melted! I couldn't believe she wanted to let us in! What a blessing!!!

Soooooo, we started texting. I got to hear about how her days were going and how she was feeling. I was able to pass on our excitement and what we are doing to prepare for the baby. It was actually great! Not that I didn't think it would be, but I never dreamed that I would get this opportunity. 

And never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be invited to see a sonogram of our future baby! When she asked me to come down I was so giddy with excitement, but super nervous. Don't ask me why, it's just hard to explain. In a few words, I'm nervous that I'll get attached to the baby, to her, to the idea and then it could be taken away from me. I'm trying to keep one foot in reality and one foot in the ideal. It's hard to balance those emotions and it's even harder to explain to someone that has never been in this situation. 

Most people are super excited for us and we are grateful that we have friends rallying for us along the way, but things could change at any moment. The birthmom could change her mind, the birthdad could come forward and decide he wants to parent, and we could lose this precious baby. And as much as we know that God is in control, we are growing more attached every day that passes. So please know, dear friends, that if I seem a little standoffish when you ask about it, it's because I might smile or I might cry and at the moment I don't know which will come out. It's hard. But thanks for being there with us!

So back to where I was going.....the sonogram!

When she asked if I wanted to come down, it was an easy no-brainer to say YES! A lot of adoptive moms do not get this opportunity and I jumped on it. I have actually never seen a sonogram and used to dream of the day I would be getting one performed on me and after I mourned the passing of that opportunity I never thought about seeing a sonogram with our birthmom!

Driving down there all I could do was pray. Pray for me to not lose it in front of her. Pray for me to get there safely. Pray for the birthmom as each day grows harder for her. Pray for our future child. Pray for this to be a sweet bonding moment. God is so faithful and I love how he adds humor to situations to break the ice! 

When I got to Houston it was pouring down rain sideways. Yep, it was bad. However, when you are half soaking wet, it just seems to break the ice. As we drove to the hospital we got to talk about what she wanted to do when she went into labor. I got teary-eyed when she said she wanted Kelly and I there when she gave birth! As she continued to tell me things she wanted and didn't want, it became very apparent that she has thought a lot about this process. 

For those of you that do not know how a mother could give up a child, I understand your perspective. But I want you to understand that she is doing the most loving, self-less thing that most people are not strong enough to do. I will forever have a heart for birthmoms because they love their children more than anything in the world to be able to say goodbye. They are incredible people that deserve more blessings than most others in this world!

When we got to the doctor's office, I asked the nurse if she was getting a sonogram. The nurse said she wasn't due for one, but as the doctor rushed out to deliver a baby she snuck us into the next room to perform one just for me!!!!!!! My heart skipped a beat when I heard that heartbeat. When she pulled up the screen and I could see that gigantic head, long arms and legs, little feet, big belly, and I wanted to fall apart. Luckily I had my phone to take pictures and video for Kelly since he couldn't come. It helped me to not cry all over our birthmom. And I think seeing my excitement helped the birthmom know that I love this child and I haven't even seen it in person yet! 

As we ate lunch together, we got to talk about what she wanted after the baby was born. I am so glad to know she wants to be able to be contacted via phone as the child grows up. I really want our baby to grow up secure in who they are and to be able to ask any questions and get answers if we can give them. This communication will allow for that. We also got to talk about the nursery and the things we have planned for when we bring the baby home. 

As our time together came to a close, I got to give her a hug and let her know that I will continue praying for her. I know that the next couple of weeks, followed by the months to come will be hard for her. This is not an easy decision she is making and she knows the pains in front of her. Please join me in praying for our birthmom to have strength to get through each day and to know that our God is holding out His hand for her to lean upon.

Lastly, we found out that the baby will indeed go into transitional care. In the state of Texas, if the birthdad does not sign his rights away, he will have 32 days to contest the adoption. During this time, a transitional family will take care of the baby. This means that we will get to go down for the birth, hold our child for a couple of days until they are released, then hand them back to our agency and go home to wait. It brings me to tears just to think about how hard this is going to be. I know that God will give me the strength, it's just going to be a very long 32 days of waiting. 

So my last prayer request is that you will pray for us to have strength to get through the birth until the birthmom signs off, strength to not go crazy those 32 days, and lastly, please pray that the baby comes before July 30. I know this is a weird request, but if the baby comes before then, we would get the baby right before Labor Day weekend and if not, we would have to wait until that long weekend passes. The baby is due to be induced August 1st, so a couple of days don't hurt right? :)

This process has changed my life, my perspective, and my walk with God more than you can ever imagine. It has been hard and I know it will get harder, but I pray that the Lord will work in ways we can't even imagine so that we know it is only coming from Him! 

Stay tuned my sweet friends for news in the very near future. And thank you for praying. I feel the Lord's hand and favor each and every day and cannot wait to celebrate one day in the future with you all!

Meeting our Birth Mom :)

As we drove down to meet our birth mom, the mix of emotions we felt were very conflicting. Should we be excited or guarded? Happy or reserved? What is best to do for her emotions...and to protect ourselves? What are some conversations starters just in case we have some times of silence? What are some things we want to know about her? Are there questions we shouldn't ask? What things do we share about ourselves and what things do we not?

And as we kept driving, the more I felt out of control of this whole meeting. And I think that God was letting my mind wander so it could come straight back to Him knowing of course that I am out of control because He is in control! When we finally got to the restaurant to meet her I actually felt calm! Crazy right? :)

We got there early and when she walked in the door she had this great big smile on her face and she was so beautiful! She walked over and gave me a huge hug and I felt so relaxed after that! We sat down and talked with her and the caseworker for about 10 minutes, then went to get food. Over the next hour and a half we talked about anything and everything. We learned about her hobbies and interests and she was super glad that Kelly loves basketball because it's her favorite sport to play and watch! She hates the Miami Heat (high five!), but loves the Lakers (bummer)...haha! She was super excited to talk about how this baby would have an older brother that could teach them to play soccer and have fun with them. She asked lots of questions about what our families do when we hang out, what our hobbies are, and got a feel as to how this baby would grow up. She kept asking if we were ready and how excited we were. I could tell that the more we got excited, the happier she was...as if it gave her confidence that she was making the right decision for this child in the long run. 

She shared with us her hopes and joys for this child, and why she is making an adoption plan. We learned what her goals and dreams are. She shared her heart with us and ours with her. Toward the end, she was getting a little emotional, and it was hitting me too. I handed her a little package that I put together, a cute basket with bath salts, bubble bath, a scrubber, and fun relaxing things she could use. She wanted to keep it and never use it as a memento! The caseworker took a picture and texted it to her instead so she would always remember this moment. 

On a side note, I don't believe in fortune cookies, but as Kelly opened his it said:

"Happy news is on it's way to you!"
It just left us all with a nice closing smile to the lunch!

Before we left I asked if she had a sonogram and she said yes! She pulled out her phone and showed us our future child and I almost lost it! Seeing a picture of that big head and little body rocked me to the core. This is real! This really is happening!

As we stood up to leave I realized we had been there for almost 2 hours and it seemed like 15 minutes. She asked if we could come back down and spend time with her/go to doctors appointments, but we have to wait for an okay from our agency before saying yes to that.

As of right now, the baby's birth father still has not signed papers and therefore, the baby would have to go into transitional care for 32 days after birth. Many things could happen to add a bump to this road, but we have put our trust in the Lord and know that He is in full control of His plans for our lives!

As we pulled out of the parking lot, I felt so at peace and connected with our birth mom! We will find out soon if we will be able to be there for the birth or not, as the birth mom really wants us there. I just don't know if I could see my child be born, then give them to someone else to watch them for 30 days while I go back home. That takes strength I've never accessed before...lol!

As for the next few weeks, we will continue plugging away and getting things ready for baby Carson as this process becomes more real every day! Join us in praying for strength, peace, encouragement, and opportunities to proclaim His glory in all of this!

The Anticipation of a Blind Date

 This Friday, June 29th, we get to meet our birth mom!

Just thinking about it makes me excited, nervous, jittery, thankful, cautious, hesitant, and anxious...all at the same time. It reminds me of when we got to meet Kiir for the first time. We were super excited, but all we had to go off of was 1 picture, a paragraph, and a very short homemade video about him. We knew God was calling us to be his parents, but he could meet us and think "who are these crazy young white people" and say no. But that's not what God had planned, now was it :)

I remember sitting down with Kiir that very first time we met (and his caseworker and our caseworker and his foster dad) and trying to get to know each other. It was just flat out weird! We were all nervous and excited, but the amazing thing is to look back and see the undertones of God working in all of it. We found out later that Kiir was testing God by saying yes he wanted parents because he didn't think it would happen. God was drawing Kiir to Him before we ever met Kiir, but used us to help! God was working through us to open the eyes of our family toward adoption because He knew that was how our family was going to grow in the long run! God was calling Kelly and I to be fully committed to Him and His will for our lives even though most people were calling us crazy, drawing us into a more intimate relationship with Him!

So as we prepare for meeting the birth mom of our future child I sit here wondering what God is doing behind the scenes again. How will this story unfold that we can see Him working in all of the angles? What is His plan? 

I don't know the answers to any of those questions and therefore, I go back to my above mentioned emotions: excited, nervous, jittery, thankful, cautious, hesitant, and anxious. But why? Why should I feel anything except excitement to see HIM work? Why am I so fearful of pain when pain just draws me closer to HIM? Why can't I just trust in Him, knowing He has gone before me to prepare this path? Oh yea, I'm human...a fallen, sinful, imperfect human. But by Grace I have been saved and through Grace I can trust in Him!

So I have decided I am going to excitedly approach this meeting knowing that God is in full control and that I can find rest, peace and assurance in His plan for our life. He is always working in more ways that I can ever imagine. I look forward to the day when I can find out all of the reasons He just wanted me to trust and obey. Now that will be a sweet day!

Stay tuned...I will definitely let you know how Friday goes! :)

Until then, please pray that we will continue to trust in His path before us and excitedly anticipate the birth of our child...whenever that might be!

Waiting Well

Wait for the LORD; be strong and let your heart take courage.

Psalm 27:14

When one is waiting on something, time seems to go by extremely slow. I remember waiting to get married and how long our 13 month engagement seemed at the time. Looking back, I see how in that time Kelly and I were drawing closer to each other and learning more things about each other through our courtship that made our marriage that much easier to transition into. God always has a plan, even though His time is different than anything we would every choose.

I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry.

Psalm 40:1 

As we wait for this baby to be born, we have been told to "wait well." Some say "It's just like being pregnant. You want the baby to get here ASAP." The problem is, the wait is much different than being pregnant. Our wait can have a lot more bumps and bruises along the way than most and there is NO timeline. You see, once someone decides to pursue adoption, they have reached that point of being ready for a baby ASAP. Then they start the process of the application. For domestic adoptions like we are going through, this process involves about an 80 page document, an interview, doctors visits, a home study, approval process by the agency and a few other minor details. For most, this takes anywhere from a month (if you're organized) to a few months. International adoptions can take even longer since you're not only dealing with an agency, but an outside country and their bureaucracies. After approval, now you can get your name on the list. The LONG WAITING LIST. Oh, did I mention that most agencies estimate waiting for 6 months to 2 years. Your level of pickiness and flexibility will determine some of this. We were not very picky at all and did not have many restrictions, so our wait was given a shorter time and we were actually matched 3 weeks after final agency approval (an extremely short time!) For international adoptions it works a little different, but most of the time the wait is even longer. When you are told by your caseworker to "wait well", the below picture depicts what that feels like...a jumbled mess of emotions.

 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

Romans 12:12 

See, part of the problem with waiting well in domestic adoptions with a birth mother matching program (which is what we are doing) is that the birth mother has to pick you. When a birth mother comes to an agency, they interview her (and the birth father if he is present) and see what they are looking for in AP's (Adoptive Parents). Then they give the BP's (Birth Parents) about 5 different profile books of families to look at, starting with families that have been waiting the longest. If they aren't satisfied, they turn them in and get 5 more. They can go through as many families as they like until they choose one.

Upon picking a family, the family is then notified and given information about the BP's. If the family is happy with the situation, the caseworkers will set up a phone call between the two and they get to talk via phone. It's like a blind date...only weirder! If all goes well on the phone and both sides are happy, then they call it a match. The family is taken "off the market", per say, and the BP is not shown any more families.

Next comes the meeting. The BP(s) and future AP's will meet in person and this is set up prior to the birth. Now, every once in a while agencies get emergency calls from the hospital and the BP hasn't met the AP and a placement can still take place. However, the norm is for the future AP's and BP(s) to meet in person. As for us, we will get to meet our BP at the end of this month so we are super excited about it. We will go to lunch and the BP will be present with her caseworker (which works for our agency) to help facilitate conversation. At this time is when any questions can be asked and we can get to know each other more. Our agency told us that most BP(s) that meet their chosen AP's in person choose an adoption plan for their child far more than BP(s) that do not meet them. It helps to bring security to the BP(s) that there is a family that will love and care for their child for their entire life and puts their mind at ease.

After the in person meeting, the wait continues. During this time, most are decorating the nursery and getting things ready for when the birth happens. However, it is also a time of high emotion. You see, in the state of Texas, a birth father can sign away his rights at any point in time from conception up until 31 days after the birth. A birth mother cannot sign away her rights until 48 hours after birth. This means that there are several things that could occur and change the future of this baby.

1.

The baby could be born and the BP(s) choose an adoption plan. This would mean that the baby gets to come home from the hospital with the AP's (us) when he/she is released.

2.

The birth mom could sign the adoption contract, but the birth father does not. This would mean that the baby would go into transitional care until either the birth father signs his rights away OR 31 days has occurred and his rights are automatically terminated.

3.

The birth mom could have the child and then choose to parent. This is the hardest and most emotional option that would be hard to swallow. God created us to be with our biological parents and therefore, this is honestly the best option (most of the time) for children to remain with their biological parents. However, when this does occur, it means that we would have to walk away and start over again. At this point, our agency would give us a time (set by us) to grieve and then would start showing us to BP's all over again.

The last option is why a lot of people choose to adopt internationally or through CPS. It is hard on the heart and to be honest, when I prepare myself to potentially go through it, I in turn don't fully allow myself to enjoy the nesting part. I guess I put a wall up just in case it happens so it doesn't hurt too much and I can heal easier.

What I have learned, is that God designed us to wait well. All through scripture, God shows that His plan and His timing is perfect. We don't understand them, we complain, we wonder, but He remains constantly there; guiding us to His perfect destination. 

I would have never envisioned my life this way by any means. I had what I thought was a perfect plan (with no hurts or obstacles of course). But in my plan I don't think I would have felt the intimacy I do with God. I wouldn't be able to reach out to others experiencing the pains of infertility or the joys AND sorrows of adoption. I wouldn't have scars that I can testify to only God healing! I wouldn't be sharing my story with others in hopes that they too will feel the call to care for orphans in one way or another.

So for now I try to open my heart a little more each day, preparing for baby Carson to come home soon! I know that God has prepared the perfect child for us out there somewhere and I will be ready to take him or her home with us forever.

This has always been one of my favorite Bible verses and the Holy Spirit has brought it to mind many times when I have needed it:

but those who hope in the Lord
    will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
    they will run and not grow weary,
    they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40:31 

God calls us all to a different path of waiting.

I encourage you to WAIT WELL, as He has created you to do!