This Friday, June 29th, we get to meet our birth mom!
Just thinking about it makes me excited, nervous, jittery, thankful, cautious, hesitant, and anxious...all at the same time. It reminds me of when we got to meet Kiir for the first time. We were super excited, but all we had to go off of was 1 picture, a paragraph, and a very short homemade video about him. We knew God was calling us to be his parents, but he could meet us and think "who are these crazy young white people" and say no. But that's not what God had planned, now was it :)
I remember sitting down with Kiir that very first time we met (and his caseworker and our caseworker and his foster dad) and trying to get to know each other. It was just flat out weird! We were all nervous and excited, but the amazing thing is to look back and see the undertones of God working in all of it. We found out later that Kiir was testing God by saying yes he wanted parents because he didn't think it would happen. God was drawing Kiir to Him before we ever met Kiir, but used us to help! God was working through us to open the eyes of our family toward adoption because He knew that was how our family was going to grow in the long run! God was calling Kelly and I to be fully committed to Him and His will for our lives even though most people were calling us crazy, drawing us into a more intimate relationship with Him!
So as we prepare for meeting the birth mom of our future child I sit here wondering what God is doing behind the scenes again. How will this story unfold that we can see Him working in all of the angles? What is His plan?
I don't know the answers to any of those questions and therefore, I go back to my above mentioned emotions: excited, nervous, jittery, thankful, cautious, hesitant, and anxious. But why? Why should I feel anything except excitement to see HIM work? Why am I so fearful of pain when pain just draws me closer to HIM? Why can't I just trust in Him, knowing He has gone before me to prepare this path? Oh yea, I'm human...a fallen, sinful, imperfect human. But by Grace I have been saved and through Grace I can trust in Him!
So I have decided I am going to excitedly approach this meeting knowing that God is in full control and that I can find rest, peace and assurance in His plan for our life. He is always working in more ways that I can ever imagine. I look forward to the day when I can find out all of the reasons He just wanted me to trust and obey. Now that will be a sweet day!
Stay tuned...I will definitely let you know how Friday goes! :)
Until then, please pray that we will continue to trust in His path before us and excitedly anticipate the birth of our child...whenever that might be!