On Pins and Needles - Part 2!

And now time for PART 2!
(For Part 1, click HERE)

You know when you're waiting for something important and so you try not to do anything else, therefore you do nothing, except you try and stay busy....yes, you see the problem.

So last night that was how things were for about an hour. The phone was charging right in front of us while dinner was in the oven/on the stove. We tried to talk about our day without honestly caring how each others went (well, let's be honest people...we didn't this one time!) 

I can't describe the feeling. It reminds me of how grandparents look on television in a maternity waiting room anticipating the birth of their future grandchild.

And then the phone rings.

Kelly looked up and said "It's her!"

We rushed to the sofa, he put it on speaker, and we said hello.

Over the next 30 minutes we learned about her life, her interests, our commonalities, and why she chose us. We asked questions, she asked questions and we all laughed.

It was comfortable, and awkward at the same time.

Again, it's hard to describe!

What I can tell you is that we feel connected already and we see/feel God's hand in it.
It just feels right.

So now we just wait, get updates on doctor's appointments and anticipate the next part of this process...getting to meet her in person in a couple of weeks!!!

Oh yeah, and we better get busy on the nursery!!!

Did I mention the baby is due in July....

On Pins and Needles!

Our caseworker called today to let us know that a birth parent picked us.

US!?!

Yes, she chose US!

Okay, so what does that mean? What comes next?

The next step of the process is a phone conversation.

Tonight!

Yep, you heard me....TONIGHT!

So I came home from work, trying to act all calm, like nothing had changed. I made a marinade, put the meat in the oven to get nice and tender for a few hours and planned the rest of dinner. This is what I do people! Sorry, but I just love food! And routines are best in moments of anticipation right?

But now what?

Blog.

So here I am....blogging away while we wait for her to call.

Most people would think it is super awkward. I'm sure it will be, but I feel like we've been trained for this beforehand. You see, when you meet a 17 year old boy face to face for the first time and oh yeah, introduce yourself as his new parents...now that's awkward! So what's this you might ask? Oh, it's awkward...just a familiar awkward. 

Our caseworker said it's like a blind date. I never went on any of those so I don't know what it feels like. I image she will have lots of questions for us, but then again we gave her a book that told our life story! And I don't want to go all "mom" on her and pepper her with tons of questions...but then what do I do? 

Pray.

Oh yes, pray!

Luckily, the Lord is in full control and we are just along for the ride. So I'm going to sit back (even though I'm super anxious and super giddy) and soak it all in.

You'll have to stay tuned for Part 2 of this blog to find out how it went...

Until then, please pray for us, for all waiting families out there, for all birth parents having to make this courageous and tough decision, and lastly for the children involved. We know the Lord is watching down smiling at His will unfold. Every day will hold a new challenge and a new praise.

Part 2 will continue soon.....promise!

Luck, Karma, Coincidence, or Predestination?

Some people believe in luck.

Others believe in the karma.

Still, others believe in sheer coincidence.

I believe that everything has been predestined from before the creation of the universe.

Most people know the verse from Jeremiah 29:11:
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord...

Here is a very small sampling of others that lead me to believe this:

"He carries out His decree against me, and many such plans He still has in store."

Job 23:14

"The LORD works out everything to its proper end- even the wicked for a day of disaster."

Proverbs 16:4

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. For those God foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. And those He predestined, He also called; those He called, He also justified; those He justified, He also glorified."

Romans 8:28-30

"For He chose us in Him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in His sight. In love He predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with His pleasure and will- to the praise of His glorious grace, which He has freely given us in the One He loves. In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us. With all wisdom and understanding, He made known to us the mystery of His will according to His good pleasure, which He purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times reach their fulfillment- to bring unity to all things in heaven and on earth under Christ. In him we were also chose, having been predestined according to the plan of Him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of His will, in order that we, who were the first to put our hope in Christ, might be for the praise of His glory."

Ephesians 1:4-12

I could mention probably over a hundred more verses, but these are ones that stand out to me that direct how I live my life. You see, I don't believe that people are lucky. I don't believe in karma going and coming. And I don't believe in sheer coincidence. 

I believe that God has a PERFECT plan that He created before He even started to create the universe that included me! He is that GREAT, MIGHTY, and POWERFUL of a God!

I believe that He knew we would suffer the deep hurt of infertility, and the amazing joy of adoption, and is always ready for me to take the next step to follow Him so He can guide and direct me; as He does state that "His word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path."

So it is with all of these beliefs and faith that we put our trust into Him!

On Friday our profile book was sent off to a family to look over. While there is excitement there that we are being shown, there is great comfort in the fact that God already knows if we are to be the perfect parents for this child or not. He has already predestined our future for us and therefore, why be anxious about it? We know that great things are to come if we will just trust in Him. So it is with great excitement that we continue to run this race He has laid before us with great anticipation for what comes next.

As for now, we will continue praying for our birth parents, somewhere out there...that they have peace that transcends all understanding, knowing that our God is in full control!

Bittersweet

This morning as my house is still asleep and I sit here with a cup of hot tea and write, I am reminded that this is the last morning my son will be in our house for 3 long months. In about an hour, the rest of the house will wake up and start getting showered and packed for our weekend. Kiir reports for duty at Highland Lakes Camp on the Rec Team tomorrow night at 6pm.

As a former camp employee, I am so excited about his opportunity to do this, but I am so sad as a mom that he will be gone for the summer! I can't wait to hear stories about the other three college guys he will be rooming with, the fun things they do after all the campers are gone, and the service projects they will be taking part of with the homeless in Austin by feeding and ministering to them. I hope he realizes the impact he will make on others, just like he leaves an incredible impact on everyone he comes into contact with.

I am so blessed to have a son that understands God's grace and shares it with everyone around him. He truly is a Christian that loves all people and inspires me to live the same way. So it is with great sorrow and joy that I hug him goodbye on Mother's Day and pray for him and his Spiritual growth over the next 90ish days.

Of course I do get to pick him up next weekend and drive him down to Houston for the day to attend a girl's (that's only a friend of course...lol) graduation party. I'm looking forward to those 6 hours in a car together to soak up everything I can pull out of him about the previous week (just like every mom with a teenage son right?)! 

Until then, we will enjoy our fun weekend getaway in San Antonio as we hang out one last time as a family of 3 before mid-August. And who knows...by then, we could be a family of 4! Oh happy day!

For now, it's time for...

The Good, The Bad, and The Unexpected

Friday was definitely an emotional roller-coaster of a day that did not go at all how I planned or even dreamed of. I might not have experienced all the emotions on the image, but I came pretty close. But before I spoil the ending, let me begin by telling you what I thought was going to happen on Friday. My plans began with me going into my OBGYN to get started on the regiment needed to be able to start preparing my body to breastfeed. Following this appointment, I was going to go to the chiropractor to get an adjustment, a refill on some supplements and then come home to a happy, peaceful house and enjoy my evening. From the get-go, God had other plans for me to be able to see Him work and show others His grace and glory.

After going through my routine exam at my OB's office, he asked me what else I said to his nurse when I scheduled the appointment that we needed to talk about. I began to explain how I wanted to breastfeed the child that we adopt and told him everything I have researched about this protocol (you can read more here about the one I chose). He was very shocked to say the least and had never heard of such a thing. I explained to him that this protocol was published in medical journals starting in 2000, is in well known books such as What to Expect When You're Expecting, and also What to Expect in the First Year (both from a 2003 edition), and that the La Leche League had articles regarding it. After taking about ten seconds to look at the papers I brought in, he asked me why I wanted to do this. I explained the nutritional value of breast milk and for the bond that I thought I wouldn't be able to experience, but now found out I can. He had never heard of the regiment nor the medicine and asked if I had researched side effects and long-term effects since he was sure it would probably kill me.

It was at this point I realized he had already made up his own opinions and was not going to be a part of this. Now, I want to stop here and say that I did not intend on blogging about the details of this visit because it got really negative really fast. But my husband encouraged me to share some of the things said because it might help others to realize the uphill battle or negative thoughts that others have and how it can impact someone severely. 

The following things are a very small sample of what I was told after I stopped responding to comments/rhetorical questions while sitting in a wide-open room where everyone in the area could see and hear:

"Breastfeeding is not important"

"What about the biological mom that has trouble producing milk? Are you saying they are bad mothers because they can't do what should be natural"

"Speaking of natural, this probably isn't even breast milk because it's being caused by something unnatural"

"Mexican moms are closest to their children out of all races and most of them don't breastfeed so what does that say about the importance of breastfeeding to bonding?"

"Inducing breastmilk production is outside of God's will because it is not natural"

(This coming from the doctor that wanted me to be pumped full of hormones to get pregnant)

"The reason you hear so many good things about breastfeeding is because they stand on a soapbox and are loud. I'm so sick of it. Formula is just as good, but you just don't hear about it because they don't have the platform that the La Leche League has"

Okay, I'll stop now that you hopefully got the picture. I will say that God provided me with more grace than I have probably ever felt because I was able to sit there with a smile on my face, nod my head and respond with "I understand how you feel that way, I just disagree." I then proceeded to walk out of the office and shut the door before my tears started openly flowing. 

I could handle most everything that he said, except the living outside of God's will. I have prayed a lot about this and actually fought doing it solely because of the grief of negative opinions that I expected to receive from people, but felt so strongly that it was what would be best for our future child and family that I have submitted to God in doing this. I left the office, came home, and couldn't let it go. So I went to have lunch with Kelly and that provided me about an hour of being in the car to just pray. I love how God draws His children in so that He can spend sweet alone time with them. He's amazing like that! And I love how He wraps His arms around you and His presence is so strong you just feel at peace!

After talking with Kelly and calling my cousin (a medical student), we decided that I should just call my primary care physician. He's not holistic by nature, but I have been seeing him for 8 years now and he happened to have one opening left in the afternoon. I then went to the chiropractor (who also has mid-wives and a birthing facility). When I arrived, I picked up my supplement and then something told me to ask to speak with one of their mid-wives. When I went into the office, they were able to share with me that they had an adoptive mom that followed this exact protocol and it worked for them! I was able to speak with her over the phone and she gave such hope as she said she would be praying for me!

I left and went straight to my family care doctor. When he came in I talked with him about what I wanted to do and what happened in my OB's office he said "I am so sorry that you had to experience that." He said he had honestly never heard of this before, but then got on his iPad and started researching the protocol, the medicine and everything he could find about it. He looked at the exact ingredients and said that I should not have a problem with this at all and wrote me the prescriptions for them right then! He said he was excited to see if it worked and couldn't wait to meet future baby Carson soon!!!

I left speedily from his office to the pharmacy he recommended me using and they had everything to go ahead and fill them. This was important because if I didn't start on Sunday (today) then I would have to wait another month. When the pharmacist came out to give me the prescriptions he asked "Are you having trouble lactating or are you trying to lactate for an adoption?" Are you kidding me?!?!?! I responded excitedly "We're adopting!" He said "Oh, I'm happy you're doing this. This protocol works like a dream and I've had many successful clients use it." I was in shock! He has done this before and it works!

Let me just say that I was floating on a cloud as I walked out of the pharmacy. I prayed gratitude and thanksgiving to my Lord the entire way home and have continued ever since that moment when I think about everything that has unfolded. You see, God's hand was in this situation all along. He told me this is what I need to do, He guided me down this path and when I chose to obey I should not have been shocked when He fulfilled what He promised to begin with! Sometimes I have to apologize to God for my little faith...more than I would like to!

The restoration I experienced on Friday was such confirmation that God has a perfect plan for my life...for everyone's life....and it is our choice whether we want to follow, obey and use what He is doing to glorify Him and bring others to Him. Sometimes we have to experience the bad so we will lean more on His understanding and not on our own. It's hard to see the good during the bad but what I love more are when He shocks me with the unexpected that are far better than I would have ever imagined. 

I will leave you with an incredible Psalm to remind you of how great our God is and how He has a perfect will and plan for our lives that existed before the creation of the world! The NIV version has been made into a song that you are familiar with, but the CEV version said what my prayers have been so I thought I would use it instead. The entire chapter is worth reading, praying, meditating on and singing so here you go:

God’s Love Never Fails

Psalm 136

¹ Praise the Lord! He is good.
    God’s love never fails.
² Praise the God of all gods.
    God’s love never fails.
³ Praise the Lord of lords.
    God’s love never fails.

⁴ Only God works great miracles.
    God’s love never fails.
⁵ With wisdom he made the sky.
    God’s love never fails.
⁶ The Lord stretched the earth
over the ocean.
    God’s love never fails.
⁷ He made the bright lights
in the sky.
    God’s love never fails.
⁸ He lets the sun rule each day.
    God’s love never fails.
⁹ He lets the moon and the stars
rule each night.
    God’s love never fails.

¹⁰ God struck down the first-born
in every Egyptian family.
    God’s love never fails.
¹¹ He rescued Israel from Egypt.
    God’s love never fails.
¹² God used his great strength
and his powerful arm.
    God’s love never fails.
¹³ He split the Red Sea apart.
    God’s love never fails.

¹⁴ The Lord brought Israel safely
through the sea.
    God’s love never fails.
¹⁵ He destroyed the Egyptian king
and his army there.
    God’s love never fails.
¹⁶ The Lord led his people
through the desert.
    God’s love never fails.

¹⁷ Our God defeated mighty kings.
    God’s love never fails.
¹⁸ And he killed famous kings.
    God’s love never fails.
¹⁹ One of them was Sihon,
king of the Amorites.
    God’s love never fails.
²⁰ Another was King Og of Bashan.
    God’s love never fails.
²¹ God took away their land.
    God’s love never fails.
²² He gave their land to Israel,
the people who serve him.
    God’s love never fails.

²³ God saw the trouble we were in.
    God’s love never fails.
²⁴ He rescued us from our enemies.
    God’s love never fails.
²⁵ He gives food to all who live.
    God’s love never fails.

²⁶ Praise God in heaven!
    God’s love never fails.