Sunday, April 29, 2012

The Unknown/Unpopular


 As I sit down to write this post, please know that this was actually something meant to stay private, because privacy is always a safe place where I have full control. Full control? Now that's a joke!

Recently, however, I have felt convicted that if we are to be the change in this world, I need to have the courage to lay my life out for all to see what Christ is doing, no matter the cost. Sometimes the effect of this is new friendship or helping/encouraging someone I have never met. A lot of the time, however, it is a lonely road full of critics, people that turn their backs, friends that don't mean to be hurtful but just don't think about how to talk or consider including you because they don't know how/see the opportunities since "you're not normal".

The unknown...
The different...
The unusual...

There is so much in life that I do not understand or can even comprehend. God has placed me and my family on this journey of adoption and the burden to care and advocate for orphans. This road started with infertility, pain, heartache and suffering. Over four years later now and there are times when it still pains me to see someone overly giddy with the anticipation of their first biological child because it's something I will never experience. The moments are shorter and more fleeting, but nonetheless tears are still shed. I remember when I realized we would never have a biological child, I mourned things that I never even thought about. Breastfeeding. What? Seriously? I mean come on, don't most people enjoy the convenience of a bottle? Shouldn't I rejoice that I don't have to "deal with that"? The problem was, it was one less way I was going to be able to bond with a child. It meant I wouldn't be able to share something so precious between the two of us.

As I began emerging myself into all kinds of resources to better equip myself for this second adoption I stumbled upon reading about adoptive mothers breastfeeding. Seriously? You mean it can be done? What?!?! How?!?! And is it a practical option???

The unpopular...
The second looks...
The empty silence of a friend withholding their opinion...

 I was encouraged by a friend to not worry about what other people thought and just read more about it to make an informed decision. I stumbled upon this article and then read several testimonials of other adoptive moms that have chosen this route. It was amazing to me that most of these testimonials were written several years ago! Then I met some new friends just last night that know people going through this right now! You mean I'm not alone? I'm not that unique? You mean...I could do this?

I cried myself to sleep last night, but the tears shed were tears of joy. See, you have to understand that one of the most painful griefs I had was the idea of not having this bonding opportunity with our newborn child. I prayed that God would help me find some way to experience this deep bond with our adoptive child even though I could not breastfeed. Through all of this reading/research/talking to others; God has showed me that He is giving me a gift of being able to experience something I never thought I would.

Okay, there, I said it. It's now typed, in print and there's no turning back. 

I pray that this post will encourage other adoptive moms out there that haven't thought of this yet or are scared to talk about it. I pray that the minds and hearts of those weirded out will begin to soften and open up. I pray that God will use me and others out there to share His love and grace through our actions. I pray for courage...

I love when King David gave these wise words to his son Solomon:
“Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you until all the work for the service of the temple of the Lord is finished."
1 Chronicles 28:20 

4 comments:

  1. Shellie, I have a friend who started the process of being able to breastfeed her adoptive child last year, and was successful in "producing". It can be done. I am not sure she was able to fully nourish him on her own as he got bigger, and she may have wound up supplementing, but I am sure that the experience of being able to do so at all was worth whatever it took to achieve that moment. I pray that you will be able to experience all the wonders of motherhood in all the ways you've ever dreamed of doing so!

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    1. Thanks Dianna! Her success gives me hope! :)

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  2. You are so brave! I love your family's sweet story. I cannot wait to see what God has in store for you!!!
    -emily

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