A day of grief can end in praise...

Sorrow is defined as: 

distress caused by loss, affliction, disappointment, etc.; grief, sadness, or regret.

Today, Kelly and I felt a deep sense of sorrow.

 When you go into an adoption, you prepare for the worst so you are surprised by anything better. It might be morbid, but it's worked for us. But what happens to your soul when the worst happens?

Sorrow.

Distress caused by loss.

Affliction.

Disappointment.

Grief.

Sadness.

But regret? No. No regrets.

See, what we have also learned is that we serve a Great God, our Lord and Savior, that has a plan far better than we could ever imagine in our lives. Today, we came to know His love for us even more.

This morning we found out that our birthmom gave birth yesterday and chose to parent. Parenting a child is never a bad decision. In a safe environment, it is always better for a child to stay with their biological parents. That doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt. It hurt both of us in a very extreme way. We were attached to a child that we have waited years for and that child was not given to us. For those not familiar with this process, this is called a disrupted adoptive placement. We lost our child today that we had emotionally bonded with and we will always grieve for this loss. Even our son was disappointed and sad. In his words, "Really? That sucks!" 

But on the long, quiet trip back home, I had such a sense of peace that God already walked this path before us and knew it was coming. He, and He alone gave us the strength to handle it. Through this adoption process I have grown to trust in Him deeper than I would have ever known was possible and you know what, it was worth the pain to drawn this close to my King!

God does not have bad plans for our lives. His plan is not for us to suffer for no reason. His plan is for us to glorify Him, to take care of us, to give us a future and hope. He has a perfect plan that right now we cannot see. But trusting in Him is so much sweeter than anything else and I would never change the circumstances that make me draw closer to Him. Without them I would not know how deep His love runs for me.

Today, I cried out to Him with praise for His unending, faultless love.

We will take time to mourn, to grieve through this pain, and then we will continue walking because we know He is waiting for us to take His hand and follow.

For now, I will continue to mediate on His Word, as it is perfect and true. Today I found comfort and praise in Psalm 138. I will leave you with David's amazing and comforting words...

¹ I will praise you, Lord, with all my heart;
    before the “gods” I will sing your praise.
² I will bow down toward your holy temple
    and will praise your name
    for your unfailing love and your faithfulness,
for you have so exalted your solemn decree
    that it surpasses your fame.
³ When I called, you answered me;
    you greatly emboldened me.

⁴ May all the kings of the earth praise you, Lord,
    when they hear what you have decreed.
⁵ May they sing of the ways of the Lord,
    for the glory of the Lord is great.

⁶ Though the Lord is exalted, he looks kindly on the lowly;
    though lofty, he sees them from afar.
⁷ Though I walk in the midst of trouble,
    you preserve my life.
You stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes;
    with your right hand you save me.
⁸ The Lord will vindicate me;
    your love, Lord, endures forever —
    do not abandon the works of your hands.