Seeing our child for the very first time...

I am blessed to have a birthmom that wants us involved in her side of this process. When we got to meet her for the first time, our lunch ended with her asking when she would see us again. My heart melted! I couldn't believe she wanted to let us in! What a blessing!!!

Soooooo, we started texting. I got to hear about how her days were going and how she was feeling. I was able to pass on our excitement and what we are doing to prepare for the baby. It was actually great! Not that I didn't think it would be, but I never dreamed that I would get this opportunity. 

And never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be invited to see a sonogram of our future baby! When she asked me to come down I was so giddy with excitement, but super nervous. Don't ask me why, it's just hard to explain. In a few words, I'm nervous that I'll get attached to the baby, to her, to the idea and then it could be taken away from me. I'm trying to keep one foot in reality and one foot in the ideal. It's hard to balance those emotions and it's even harder to explain to someone that has never been in this situation. 

Most people are super excited for us and we are grateful that we have friends rallying for us along the way, but things could change at any moment. The birthmom could change her mind, the birthdad could come forward and decide he wants to parent, and we could lose this precious baby. And as much as we know that God is in control, we are growing more attached every day that passes. So please know, dear friends, that if I seem a little standoffish when you ask about it, it's because I might smile or I might cry and at the moment I don't know which will come out. It's hard. But thanks for being there with us!

So back to where I was going.....the sonogram!

When she asked if I wanted to come down, it was an easy no-brainer to say YES! A lot of adoptive moms do not get this opportunity and I jumped on it. I have actually never seen a sonogram and used to dream of the day I would be getting one performed on me and after I mourned the passing of that opportunity I never thought about seeing a sonogram with our birthmom!

Driving down there all I could do was pray. Pray for me to not lose it in front of her. Pray for me to get there safely. Pray for the birthmom as each day grows harder for her. Pray for our future child. Pray for this to be a sweet bonding moment. God is so faithful and I love how he adds humor to situations to break the ice! 

When I got to Houston it was pouring down rain sideways. Yep, it was bad. However, when you are half soaking wet, it just seems to break the ice. As we drove to the hospital we got to talk about what she wanted to do when she went into labor. I got teary-eyed when she said she wanted Kelly and I there when she gave birth! As she continued to tell me things she wanted and didn't want, it became very apparent that she has thought a lot about this process. 

For those of you that do not know how a mother could give up a child, I understand your perspective. But I want you to understand that she is doing the most loving, self-less thing that most people are not strong enough to do. I will forever have a heart for birthmoms because they love their children more than anything in the world to be able to say goodbye. They are incredible people that deserve more blessings than most others in this world!

When we got to the doctor's office, I asked the nurse if she was getting a sonogram. The nurse said she wasn't due for one, but as the doctor rushed out to deliver a baby she snuck us into the next room to perform one just for me!!!!!!! My heart skipped a beat when I heard that heartbeat. When she pulled up the screen and I could see that gigantic head, long arms and legs, little feet, big belly, and I wanted to fall apart. Luckily I had my phone to take pictures and video for Kelly since he couldn't come. It helped me to not cry all over our birthmom. And I think seeing my excitement helped the birthmom know that I love this child and I haven't even seen it in person yet! 

As we ate lunch together, we got to talk about what she wanted after the baby was born. I am so glad to know she wants to be able to be contacted via phone as the child grows up. I really want our baby to grow up secure in who they are and to be able to ask any questions and get answers if we can give them. This communication will allow for that. We also got to talk about the nursery and the things we have planned for when we bring the baby home. 

As our time together came to a close, I got to give her a hug and let her know that I will continue praying for her. I know that the next couple of weeks, followed by the months to come will be hard for her. This is not an easy decision she is making and she knows the pains in front of her. Please join me in praying for our birthmom to have strength to get through each day and to know that our God is holding out His hand for her to lean upon.

Lastly, we found out that the baby will indeed go into transitional care. In the state of Texas, if the birthdad does not sign his rights away, he will have 32 days to contest the adoption. During this time, a transitional family will take care of the baby. This means that we will get to go down for the birth, hold our child for a couple of days until they are released, then hand them back to our agency and go home to wait. It brings me to tears just to think about how hard this is going to be. I know that God will give me the strength, it's just going to be a very long 32 days of waiting. 

So my last prayer request is that you will pray for us to have strength to get through the birth until the birthmom signs off, strength to not go crazy those 32 days, and lastly, please pray that the baby comes before July 30. I know this is a weird request, but if the baby comes before then, we would get the baby right before Labor Day weekend and if not, we would have to wait until that long weekend passes. The baby is due to be induced August 1st, so a couple of days don't hurt right? :)

This process has changed my life, my perspective, and my walk with God more than you can ever imagine. It has been hard and I know it will get harder, but I pray that the Lord will work in ways we can't even imagine so that we know it is only coming from Him! 

Stay tuned my sweet friends for news in the very near future. And thank you for praying. I feel the Lord's hand and favor each and every day and cannot wait to celebrate one day in the future with you all!